The annotated.

You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and end.
Truthfully yes, it's a brown line in the sky that can very markedly be seen.

You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day
Yes specially to get to fucking school. Yes, yes, yes.

You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch
Yes, the lifeguards do look like Baywatch. No the beach does not look like Baywatch, see fucking cold, and godamn pollution, also see Kelp Forests.

You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner
No. Everyone hates the Lakers these days and one of these days Kobe's getting fucking lynched.

You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).
Doesn't everyone?

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal
Duh. It's like the sole reason why I live here. This friday was Italian, an amazing Chicken Portobello that had me crying in mouth orgasm. The weekend before was damn good Chinese. Which is probably next weekend's meal too since that's the Chinese New Year festival....oh god I'm going to mouth orgasm to death.

You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.
Hah. ....Actually I once saw Toby Maguire driving a nasty little beat up old school beatle bug. Or at least I think it was him.

You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
OHMYFUCKINGGOD, It's so godbedammned true. The four oh five, is fucking satan's great tool of torture. At that time it's like might as well fucking walk. I shit you not.

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
It's true and it does take twenty minutes, unless your dad is an ex-truck driver in which it takes five minutes or less and you may require therapy afterwards.

You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
True. Nice neighborhoods got zero damage. You can also tell the ethnicity of a person by the damage from the riots. Black or Korean or Hispanic means living in the danger zone. Damage to a business means Korean.

You've inadvertently learned Spanish.
Duh. It's only the fucking easiest language in the world. Completely fucking phoenetic. Why in god's green earth wouldn't everyone learn Spanish? Also it sounds pretty even when you curse.

You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
That's like freezing!!!!

In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
Have done this. Not as amusing as it sounds. Beach is dirty and yucky and cold in winter and Big Bear is fucking crowded and rarely has snow. Also traffic is ze bitch.

You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.
Oh gods, what I wouldn't give for never having to hear at least one, sigalert. PCH is okay because they are nice and do good work no matter what people say. They helped me once with a tire problem. The five is nowhere near as bad as the fucking 405 and if you take it at the right time and right place it's rather fun. Then again I like to drive.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
Incredibly enough, not me. I like walking. It just depends if the path I'm taking crosses any major roads, in which case I walk. Because even though pedestrians have the right of way in California no one ever ever ever gives them the right of way.

Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
Yeah. Dude most traumatic tv-childhood moment. I saw when some guy shot his fucking brains out on tv. The stupid tv network cut in the middle of cartoons, car-fucking-toons. To go to the chase of some suicidal fuck who got out of the car, set his car on fire with his dog inside. Pulled out a banner with some stupid shit about HMO's being assholes and then sat on the floor and shot his brains out. The worst part was of course the news went closeup when he sat on the floor to shoot so you could see the brains and blood flying. It was nothing like the movies and I had to puke and cry afterwards. Specially when they closed up on the dog burning in the trunk. Burning alive.

You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
True. I love the sound. I live near the freeway and the helicopter sounds make me happy. It sounds like home. That and trains.

When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
That's what it's there for, being strange and being full of cheap souvenir crap.

You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.
Destiny. It doesn't sound that weird.

You've partied in Tijuana at least once.
Ugh Tijuana is so ghetto. I stayed at a resort in San Felipe, blue waters and soft sand as far as the eye could see and all the virgin pina coladas in a coconut you could possibly want.

You know Hollywood has a "lake".
It does? Echo park? What lake? I'm confused.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
I would if this weren't the state of Rodney King and racial profiling. What can I say I have been traumatized of cops since I was a kid. When a cops talks to me I try to speak perfect English and give the impression that the skin and hair color are mere mistakes of nature.

You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.
Fuck. Yes, worse I've lost it at the shitty ass Santa Monica Mall parking lot which is tiny as can be.

You've ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.
Of course. Why? I thought that was the point of freeways to give a space for open market commercialization?

You think that Venice is a beach.
Well that's stupid of course it is. Even the Italy Venice (which I hope they're referring to) is technically a big ass beach all over a city's ass.

You've started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON'T WALK sign started flashing.
Very, very true.

You've never listened to NPR.
Of course not, true Californios listen to KPFK (By the way Californios is the proper name like Angelenos, because the name is in fucking SPANISH, thus it's not fucking Californian or Angelinian or Angelese. Ugh.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
True. My neighbors are completely different area codes.

You have a favorite Thai restaurant.
Doesn't everyone? I was under the impression that Thai had spread nationally? The Angeleno thing to do is have a favorite Vietnamese place.

You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.
No I think Norm's is a beautiful depiction of classic Googie architecture, but god forbid Angelenos know about this kind of thing.

You think Manhattan is a beach.
It is, but to be truthful I think mostly of Alcohol when I hear Manhattan.

You eat pineapple on pizza.
Uh, yes, so do the fucking Hawaiians, you know those people who kinda grow the damn things. Not a unique Californio or Angeleno thing, the cool thing is Avocado. Yes in California and LA they put Avocado on their pizza. Also chorizo.

You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.
Hmm. Nope. It would have been a close call if it hadn't been for the beautiful fun, delicious, amazing, I'm-in-love, Central Library. One of the most gorgeous public libraries ever. Alexandria meet your fucking match, bitch.

When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."
They don't do this elsewhere? With traffic that'll be about three hours, without about ten minutes. (Commute home from school)

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
This is true of all America. The LA thing is if I drive two miles anyway I will find a taco joint and a small cool wannabe independent and hip cafe. In some very odd cases the two will be one, tacos de lengua and java, delicious. I shit you not.

Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.
Only once. I swear it was only once.

You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.
Read:Pollution, Cold as fucking hell's heart, Kelp Forrest.

It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.
How are blue hair, dragon tatto and tongue piercing even slightly strange?

You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.
True has happened several times. If it isn't over five points it just doesn't merit importance. What the hell does this look like overfucking crowded Japan or Mexico. California has done very well in preventing damages and no one ever gives us credit for all our cool shit. Let's not forget that post 9-11 it was our emergency protocols that got copied because we were the only ones with our shit together in case of any kind of emergency. Jealous fuckers.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
OF course I'm better than them. Have you seen how they live? I mean seriously. (/end sarcasm) Over the hill where I live is the desert so I can't quite crow like I used to. And that's if by hill you mean San Gabriel Mountain Range.

You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
A fucking MEN. Which is why the Loca has had to take to going by subway to work.

Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
Happened only once, walking out of Lollycup Tea Shop I was faced with the strange fact that they were filming shit yet again in Chinatown. By the way note to the foreigner, Jamba Juice is so ten seconds ago, it's all about the tea shops now.

You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."
Well duh. Parking spaces, good ones are like honorable decent, sexy hot as hell men, a fucking myth.

You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.
Yep, thank god for alarmist television coverage of nonexistant crime. But I don't yell that's why they have microphones that crackle everything I say into indecipherable static.

That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.
Very true, and very sad my beloved convienience store man died of a heart attack after being attacked. I liked him a lot he would help my Mom out after my dad lost his job by giving her the winning Lotto scratcher. I was very sad when he died.

You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.
Of course that was just gas, one way.

You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.
Myself, my sister, my friend were on television once. Even starred in a few episodes.

You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
In and Out what a burger is all about. That's all you need to know. It's the worlds most perfectly fucking yummy burger because the people who make it actually give a fuck to make a good product and not just expand everywhere and make more money than they deserve.

You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
But everyone in Bel Air fucking is.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.
Yes. It's true. Think Naked Singing Cowboy guy but without the charm or cheap marketing attempt at starting his acting career. And much more smelly. Much more.

You've done something on a street corner in an attempt to get money (i.e. sang, tap danced, told jokes).
Blowjobs don't count?

You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.
AAAAAGh this happened just the other month.

You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.
NorthEastern LA but whatevers. It's all one big suburb.

Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.
Why would I? The portobellos weren't even on special.

You really can never be too rich or too thin.
Not too rich, but if the anorexic creepy girls are any sign, yes you can be too thin. And it's damned ugly too.

The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.
Uh when else are you going to get time?

The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.
Hah. Workday starts at seven am sharp. Then again that's just the poor immigrant part of me talking.

Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."
True. Several invitations have come to me like this. Most just say about eight and expect everyone to get there by nine thirty.

You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script - any script.
The copy of my orginal graphic novel's script.

It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99"
This would be funny but in light of the La Conchita and the stinking mess that the recent deluge left I can only shake my head and sigh. Rain is not something to joke about in a desert like climate.

You call 911 and they put you on hold.
Only once.

The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.
Too true. It happens so often its sad. Most traffic jams are caused by fucking lookieloos.

A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don’t drink or smoke, right?"
Who smokes or drinks anymore? Seriously? Who? It's gross and it's bad for your fucking health, I mean you might as well get into cutting yourself and at least you'll be hip like all the cool young depressed things.

All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?
True. and boring as hell all because most of the front window people are the chubbiest, shouldn't be in the window kind of people.

Bars card. For real.
With young hot things like Lohan, the Bush Twins, Olsen Twins etc. trying to get into bars and get drunk all the time. Eventually some concerned group of meddlesome old assholess is going to sue places if they don't card. Besides not carding bars are what TJ is for.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.
No most of the jokes were utterly trite and I wouldn't dare let one single Angeleno catch me reading and responding to such nonsense. Because Angelenos aren't. They just aren't all full of like pride and crap. I mean how un-zen nationalistic can you get?